Pork Injunction in Dolores Park


It was thunderstorming in Dolores Park, but that did not stop the police from hassling Pork in the Park:

While I could deal with the rain and all that bullshit what I couldn’t deal with was the fucking cops rolling up on me. I see dude strolling up with his fucking citation book and figure I should probably turn down Mack Attack and deal with this bullshit. Dude asks for id and checks the shit while he fills out his No Fun Allowed slip. He realizes my birthday is in a few days and gives me a break but tells me I got to move. I explain that I’ve done this before and the park dudes are cool with it as long as I clean up. Then dude gives me some retarded opened ended answer like telling me to pack it up and move “if you can.” If I fucking can? So I can stay?  He doesn’t give me an answer and basically it boils down to I can kick it but if his lieutenant comes through I’m getting a ticket and kicked out.

Read on…

Author: Kevin Montgomery

No one should have a biography at age 24.

21 thoughts on “Pork Injunction in Dolores Park”

  1. The cop was trying to be nice to your ungrateful ass. You actually said that he was stuck between his lieutenant’s orders and you. Do you think he can make a choice between his superior’s orders and your desire to grill without a permit? Nice job ragging on the lowest man on the police totem pole.

    If you want the rules in the park changed, don’t yell at the cops, which is the most unproductive thing to do. Call your Supervisor. Your state assembly rep. The Mayor’s office. Get your friends to do the same. Stop ragging on the clerks for what the bosses in the big office tells them to do.

    1. Good point. The cop was Just Following Orders. Which makes any action acceptable. As long as someone who is not there told him to.
      Why can’t everyone just stop thinking for themselves and do what they are told?

      1. So cops should never follow orders? This isn’t Deutchland ’38-style Gestapo-cop action, and it is pretty lame of you to invoke Nuremberg here. This is a cop dealing with a guy blasting gangsta rap out of his truck and cooking out in the sidewalk by the park, neighbors-be-damned. The cop took the least-onerous option of the choices he had.

  2. Well I’m sure your lavish use of expletives charms the SFPD as much as it does the loyal (and too often unappreciated) readership of this thingy.

      1. you should DEFINATELY give Serg a guest post on MissionMission sometime.

        he’s been posting rants since the rest of us were using AOL and Hotmail.

    1. Grandma is right!
      Because when you get right down to it, the important thing is whether someone said “Fuck” or not. That’s why police officers never use bad words. Only bad guys use swears.

  3. when did I actually say anything bad about this particular cop?

    I moved my setup to another park, I know better than to be a dick to cops. I think it’s ridiculously stupid that we now have cops citing people for fucking bbqs and considering I’ve done this before and they never said anything to me, it’s not like they haven’t noticed it but because people want to cry about hipsters now cops being told to cite people as opposed to doing the most obvious thing like improving the facilities for how the public is using the park.

    the park needs more trashcans and bathrooms, less cops wasting time with this shit

      1. You’re right. If, for example, the public wants to cut down all the trees in a public space, or the public wants to turn a park into a garbage dump, or an open unregulated pharmacy, the public should never feel entitled to that sort of use of public space.

        Stewardship of a shared resource can be a community-based process. But, when that fails and asshats start to bully their way, well, the State comes in to fill the gap. Common courtesy and empathy can help to avoid that unfortunate series of events.


      2. Hahahahaha. Chunky, talk about a straw fucking man (oh god, I used the f-word).


        BBQ > Crack dealing?

        Because that’s what I’m seeing. Instead of dealing with real issues like the cesspool that is 16th and Mission, the cops are getting calls from you NIMBY motherfuckers about people using public space. That’s why the park’s there. It’s not there to be a garbage dump. It’s not there in a capacity for logging. It’s there for people (yes, even you, Chunky) to go use in a reasonable manner. BBQing is reasonable. I invite your next ridiculous hypo where you try to show otherwise.

  4. That’s some mighty fine pretzel logic there, equating barbecuing in a public park with cutting down all the trees.
    Rational people aren’t going to agree with you, though.

  5. Serg-

    you, your foul mouth, OG Bay Raps, and your BBQ can come kickit in Jackson Square Park (Potrero Hill) any weekend you want.

    we celebrate that type of conduct over here. and the hipsters tend to magnetize towards BOTH and Thee Parkside, generally staying out of the way of us old fogies.

  6. If it was just one BBQ, then the “crackdown” would be heavy handed. But, in general, it is SO MUCH more than one BBQ at Dolores Park, and you all know it. On this particular day, seems Pork Man was the only one there, and that’s why he got the attention. On a sunny day, he would have been down the list. Probably.

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