Use Your Car As a Weapon, Get Beat Up By a Banana


The Halloween Critical Mass ride is always one of my favorite events of the year because I inevitably get to watch 3 bananas savage some aggro dude in an SUV.


Author: Kevin Montgomery

No one should have a biography at age 24.

33 thoughts on “Use Your Car As a Weapon, Get Beat Up By a Banana”

  1. Except the SUV owner. The bikies might be equally belligerent aggros, but there’s something about driving yourself around in a weapon big enough to crush an ordinary car full of babies (for example) that makes you an even bigger douche.

    Also, getting angry at a passing crowd is like shouting at the rain.

  2. I was the banana in the picture with the driver. The driver got out of his car shoved my friend and another cyclist in costume started to try and punch the driver I stepped in to stop a fight and asked the driver to get in his car and told him it wasn’t good to be out in the street. I asked the driver’s woman friend to get him to get back in the car and said that standing trying to punch the cyclists and force his way through would not have good consequences. I was standing on front of the driver to stop him getting punched and punching anyone, I was trying to diffuse the situation I am not in anyway a violent person and don’t like fights.

    1. Maybe if you jackasses didn’t clog up traffic once a month, this kind of shit wouldn’t happen.

      Seriously. I was stuck on a MUNI bus for 20 minutes as you Critical Massholes were parading around and wouldn’t let us through. I was about ready to get off that bus and start clotheslining bicyclists.

      Look, I understand what you are trying to do. Hell, I’m for it. My best friend has been hit by hit and run drivers twice while she was on her bike.

      But once a month… I wanna curb stomp all you motherfuckers.

  3. Aww, I love you bananas, and I love cycling but this is why I hate critical mass.

    This guy does indeed look like a real asshole, but like everybody he has somewhere to go and may be missing a wedding, a music concert, an important meeting because some people thought it would be fun to not let anybody pass.

    1. Cars rule the road and disfigure our world. Critical Mass reminds us that there is something very wrong with that. Make the MFer wait a few minutes.

      1. Eh, I was biking home up 17th after a long day when some people I passed who were headed to the mass caught up to me at a red light. They stopped, but got in front of me both blocking the crosswalk(with pedestrians) and forcing me to have to get around their three wide biking style as well. One of them even made some comment to me as I passed them.

        Much of critical mass isn’t about helping or representing bikers, but simply about feeding critical mass. There is nothing wrong with hanging out and causing a ruckus with your bikes, but perhaps you don’t exactly deserve the high horse to ride. I think if CM wants to speak for bikers and not for CM, they need to perhaps reign in their attitudes a bit and police their own.

        The attitude of “make the mfer wait a few minutes” can apply to CMers as well and waiting for pedestrians, etc…

      2. …then what about all the CM people who were blocking MUNI for hours? Here’s a large group of people trying to actually make a difference, not drive their cars and utilize the public infrastructure. And CM shut them down for 2+ hours in some cases — your friendly group of a**hole bikers does more harm than any perceived good in your very tunnel vision oriented world.

        You are not the change you think you are, you are just another problem that has to be solved due to ignorance and ego.

    2. Whatever your idiotic socio-political rationalization may be, the fact remains that you are forming a gang and and fucking with people that are minding their own business. If you people weren’t such pussies in real life you wouldn’t need gangs.

  4. this shit bummed me out. maybe it wouldn’t have pissed me off so much if they stayed on one side of the road, not blocking traffic both ways. or if they got the city to close down a street or something. i tried to drive my car slowly to the side & i got hella of these bikers coming up to my car telling my shit like “you’re at the wrong place at the wrong time” or whatever, asking to get hit. once the bikers moved outta the way, i tried to drive outta the scene, and some chick came out of the crowd straight to my car, i was like what the fuck is this shit. so lame. i usually don’t have a problem with bikers even though they talk shit to me while i skate in the streets but things like this is why people hate ’em & give ’em shit for. i thought CM was about awareness or something…not being dicks

  5. It’s what happens when the Hipsters get a chance to strike back at the “Man”. Bunch of “F-tards” most of CM’s are.

  6. CM is about entitled-feeling cyclist’s arrogance these days…I rioted while cops busted heads at CM 5th Anniversary, but now I would never participate. I’ve seen a lot of people DRIVE to SF, unload their Bykes and ride CM….weak.

  7. …and those people aren’t Hipsters. It’s the kooks in orange vests with bar-ends pointing straight up thinking they’re Activists. It’s embarrassing.

  8. blah blah blah hate hate hate. whatever people. critical mass has been happening for 17 years on the last friday of every month. there ain’t no stopping it. we all get stuck in traffic sometimes. we all have to put up with inconvenience sometimes. instead of getting angry and fantasizing about all the violence you’d like to commit – how about at the least planning for next month to be somewhere that’s less inconvenient for you. mass happens – it’s part of life in san francisco – deal with it. i do critical mass because i envision it and participate in it being a fun, respectable, community bike ride. sure there are assholes that ride in it but assholes are a part of life too.

      1. Exactumndo. Plenty of ways to get the message across without acting like a douche.

        Of course, it’s always tough for douches to understand this themselves.

      2. I beg to differ, codesmith. Holding the city hostage once a month is an asshole thing to do.

        It’s not a “respectable, community bike ride” if you aren’t respecting the community and it’s people.

      3. It would be an understatement to say that “holding the city hostage” is an “asshole thing to do.” But that’s not what happens.

        I’m glad to read you try and make a difference by riding the bus though. If you get such violent tendencies after being delayed in traffic for 20 minutes it’s probably best that you’re not behind the wheel of a car.

  9. riding in my costume with thousands of other bikers on friday was one of the best things i’ve done in months. i feel grateful that there is a time and place (once a month, same time same place… no mysteries there) that i can bring my friends for some fun on wheels, with bike-powered speakers, parents with their kids, people on unicycles, tandems, naked’s, you name it…

    it’s too bad most of these comments are overlooking some of the best parts of the mass. ultimately you’re in control of how you handle a situation, how you let other people affect you, etc… if you choose to count the seconds on your cell phone while you keep your car running the full 10 minutes you’re sitting idle in your car as you unsuccessfully try to inch your way between hundreds of bikes, you’re gonna get pissed. next time, save some gas, turn off the engine and enjoy the sights! (i promise, 10 minutes goes by sooo much faster when you’re not mad at the world).

    we really are lucky we have the opportunity to do this event. i love critical mass. (and i saw SO many people who were not participating that were having a great time too)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s