Houseful of Awful Losers

Hey, Janebook, throw some reality on our ass, right now:

why is it that EVERY CHEAP ROOM IN THE MISSION is in a houseful of awful losers who won’t let any alcohol or meat in the house or even outdoor-only smoking, won’t let a potential roommate’s significant other spend the night and insist on obnoxious anal retentive policies like weekly house meetings and fucking … chore wheels?

Right!? Fucking chore wheels? It just gets better: read on.

[Photo courtesy of Hippy Kitchens]

Previously:

Room 4 Rent: All Roommates Wear Black-Framed Glasses


Explore posts in the same categories: Life in the Mission

38 Comments on “Houseful of Awful Losers”

  1. Zouaf Says:

    The gist of this post is spot on. The shared housing section of Craigslist is overflowing with juvenile ridiculousness and many of the people advertising rooms are complete turds (even those of you who think you’re not turds, you probably are by the end of your roommate hunt).

    It’s too bad that $750/ month and close to BART is going to be more competitive than getting into Harvard Law, but good luck.

  2. CentralCity Says:

    Please. The last sentence of this rant is ridiculous.

    “craigslist as a whole, but especially the housing section, is a very bleak reflection of the sorts of individuals who now populate san francisco.”

    Dear Author: If you don’t like The City’s people, cost of living or the premier method of finding people and places to live, stay the fuck out. I’m not rich, but I manage. If you parents hadn’t coddled you to think that everyone should bend to meet *your* needs, you might have drawn the logical conclusion that you are entering someone else’s home.

    Either that, or move out of the mission by a block or two. On second thought, don’t come here. Stay away.

  3. asshole Says:

    I agree with her. When I got kicked out of my apartment by similar douche bags, one of my buddies told me “that’s the nice thing about having some money. It gives you the ability to tell anyone you want to FUCK OFF.” Right around that time I got kept on at my job and scored a 3BR at 24th and Bartlett for less than $2k. Things are good now. Being a master tenant is sweet.

    I promise when I need a new room mate I’ll never post one of those bull shit ads. I once responded to one by a woman who worked for Nancy Pelosi, I’m sorry “SPEAKER Pelosi” (she’d correct you). Holy shit she was fucking crazy. “You don’t have a girlfriend, DO YOU? Cause this place is pretty small.” FUCK OFF. No wonder that bitch was single.

    Honestly, I think part of it is these faux-liberal types who claim to be SOOOO progressive, but really just demand everyone else be exactly like them.

  4. FunTimes Says:

    Janebook is spot on!!

    Looking for a place to live in the mission is hell and the obnoxious assholes who post retarded requirements on craigslist don’t make it any easier.

    On the other hand as a person who has needed to find a person to fill a room, and regrettably resorted to criagslist, the people showing up to look at rooms are pretty bad too. I assume the people posting on craigslist try to be “cool” and therefore throw in some buzz words to keep away the “squares” but in reality these petty, nitpicky preferences come off conceited and weird.

  5. Mandaline Says:

    I have a hard time believing that this happens only, or primarily, in San Francisco. Other cities and towns are bound to have this problem, too. (Unfortunately I wouldn’t really know because I’ve only lived here and one other town.)

    Even getting a one-bedroom doesn’t eradicate these problems. There is a woman in my building who is afraid of dogs. It’s *so hard* to find a dog-friendly building; there had to be better options for her. And the list goes on. If it’s not bad roommates, it’s difficult neighbors (or neighbors’ dogs, I suppose).

    • el jeffe Says:

      Youre absolutely right. I’ve lived in a lot of other cities (and some small towns, too) and there are crazy people looking for housemates everywhere you go.

      The only differnce here is that there’s less supply and a bit more demand, which just magnifies the situation.

  6. mitchun Says:

    Haha! Great read. Absolutely spot on. I actually lived in a place where one of the roommates would run her lubey dildos (dildoes?) through the dishwasher. Of course, anyone that mentioned it was “homophobic” regardless of whether they HAPPENED TO BE GAY!!!

    Yeesh, and don’t get me started on Mission vegans.

  7. tacotron Says:

    FUCK CHORE WHEELS! they never work. And who’s idea is it? It’s always the lazy one who never cleans who thinks the chore chart is a nice idea. I moved out with 2 of my current roomies, because of the expensiveness. couldnt find a 3bd anywhere near 2 g’s :(

  8. cliff notes Says:

    Janebook: preach on sister..

    CentralCity: the last sentence was part of a rant.. so maybe you should read it as that instead of actually justifying what she said with your rant.

    • CentralCity Says:

      Apparently, you have been so fortunate in life as to completely avoid entitled, lazy room mates. For that, I stand in awe of your great luck.

      Why don’t you invite Janebook to live with you? I’m sure you’ll be over-the-moon to change your house rules for the new person, who will then proceed to piss you off because they fuck up the flow.

      Also? Her entire rant is stupid, I was just particularly amused by the last line.

  9. anon Says:

    That was a pretty good read. Felt relieved just reading it and I’m not even looking for a place! Haha!

    And in that picture I swear that Arinell’s pizza guy is so stoned out of his mind (like usual) praying for some cucumbers. How does he stay so skinny working around so much thin crust goodness?!

  10. wondering Says:

    I went to see a room in a three bdrm on York and 24th, the room was small, there were marker tags on the wall, one of the walls was a sliding door and these stoner dudes wanted $900. There was a small living room with only a recliner a side table and a bong. One of the guys said, “the guy who moved out took most of the furniture, so if you have any that would be cool”

  11. chonky doodles Says:

    While she’s making her fair points, she also gives herself some shitty roommate points. I had to put up with all sorts of roommates for around 5 years before getting my own place. The following is based on personal experience.

    Even “outdoor smokers” (I’ve never met one who doesn’t sneak smokes in their room) smell like a pack of dirty assholes to a nonsmoker. And when said smoker piles all their ratty clothes in their room and doesn’t do laundry for 2 weeks, the whole place starts smelling like a Cave of Death. I know smoking is awesome and cool and everything, but…no it’s not, it’s fucking stupid. Quit. Then this’ll be a nonissue.

    Boyfriend sleepovers: nobody wants 2 roommates for the price of one. Staying over once in a while becomes a couple times a week becomes all the fucking time. When some no-rent-paying assjack is hogging the shower when you need to get to work, that’s where rage comes from.

    And of course people want to know where your money comes from. Showing you can hold down a job is showing you’re reliable for rent. Also, it means you’re not selling rock or turning tricks or fencing fixies for cash.

    Finally, yeah, skip the chore wheels. If you find yourself in a cleanup role, just pile their dirty shit from common areas in the their bed.

    • Ferocious Foot Odor Says:

      As long as I can play the occasional game of pool on the fancy eatin’ table, its all good.

    • tacotron Says:

      haha chonky you sound like my roomie Im still gonna live with. She totally piles dirty dishes on the bed of slobs. Allthough, I am an “outdoor” smoker, well I dont smoke cigarettes very regularly.But I actually hate smoking cigs indoors. When I lived in Pacifica, all of my roomies smoked inside. I couldn’t take it. 3 people light up at once and your eyes water and you can breathe


    • chonky doodles gets the win, based on hindsight about my experiences with roommates 25 – 35 years ago. But Janebook actually comes close enough to the kind of person I would share with now, if I hadn’t married myself out of the roommate market all those 25 years ago. My apartment (3 bdrm, so they claim) is about $1100 a month TOTAL (’cause I’ve been here forever), and smoking on the back porch is simple enough, and it’s close to BART, and the kitchen is big enough to do double duty as a living room. So keep looking, Janebook; you might find something similar.

      And if you have trouble getting chores done without a chore wheel, try getting married. ;)

  12. tacotron Says:

    haha I made a typo.

  13. ben Says:

    Wow, it’s almost like $800 a month doesn’t get you EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT. Amazing!

    • Jane Says:

      Actually, my post really just expresses the oh-so-radical notion that one can have all the qualities of a good roommate without being a socially reclusive, teetotaling vegan MBA. But nice try.

  14. Ryan Says:

    Move up the hill to Noe Vale….wait bad idea

  15. tacotron Says:

    vegans can’t drive cars, unless theyre electric

  16. tk Says:

    This bitch I used to live with never worked and I ended up having to cover her share of the rent. She also drank all the time and snored like a motherfucker.

    So I divorced her ass.

  17. Christy Says:

    Love it. So fucking true.

  18. el buen sabor Says:

    I would love to hear an equally witty post about how hard it is to find roommates. I’ve lived in my current (extremely desirable) space for under a year and have already lost two of the original roommies to internships elsewhere. It blows trying to find good roommates through craigslist. I prefer to get a little drunk and shoot off random questions and if they answer how I would, then I’m a fan.

  19. Dan Says:

    what you dont got any friends? why would you use craigslist for roommates? send out a fucking group text.

  20. Joshua Says:

    I wrote a rant to a friend much like this when I first moved here. People here are wwaaaayyyy to into figuring out every personal detail about you before you move in. It’s kind of obnoxious. I’m looking for an apartment, not a new bestie. Good luck with the search. I’m pretty happy with my place, even though we do have a chore wheel. That’s primarily because some people in our apartment find themselves incapable of chipping in, without being told to by an angry roommate…..

  21. ab Says:

    couldn’t have said it better myself..


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