What’s Wrong With Couples?

Our pal Queen Larbs takes a look at the pros and cons of hanging with couples:

Couples have the inherent benefit of potentially introducing you to one more neat person (as well as the built-in lameness of cashing out early and generally being less down to party) and single people provide the amusement of gratuitous make-outs, one night stands, and other tomfoolery with strangers through which I can either live vicariously or just be entertained (way to take one for the team, single friends). If I turn into a person who only wants to hang out with other couples, you won’t even need to take any action because I’ll be too busy barfing on myself in a corner.

For the record, I love couples. Some of my favorite people in the world are couples. But she makes some good points. Read on.

[Photo by Andy Smith]

Explore posts in the same categories: Romance

15 Comments on “What’s Wrong With Couples?”

  1. Joshua Says:

    we only prefer other couples, single people always wanna talk about all their problems & private shit.

  2. That’s another thing I can’t stand about couples. Extensive use of “we.” It’s okay to have your own opinions.

  3. hoboking Says:

    I’m a single person, and I don’t mind couples but some can be annoying. Here are my standard problems:

    a) You generally have to make plans with the couple. If one doesn’t like plans, or simply wants to sit around and play X-Box until they ‘splode, you aren’t getting to see your friends.

    b) They act creepy towards singles sometimes. Not ‘do you want to swing’ creepy, but the whole trying to set you up with randoms and dating vicariously though you. Yes I have a romantic life and I may be on the prowl – but I don’t need every conversation to be about who in said establishment I think is hot.

    c) They get weird sometimes, and start fighting about stuff that happened at home. One must sit and spectate because they get all snippy, but since they share the same bed: they can’t really get mad, neither will leave, and they aren’t forced to work it out there.

    d) They move to Oakland and have babies. It’s actually more depressing then hearing a friend died in a tragic motorboating accident – either way that’s a friend you’ll never see again.

    e) They break up. Then they want you to pick a team. Worse if you pick one they are all damaged and crazy for a while. You have to carry them to a taxi cab, because all those nights at home watching Netflix made their livers weak but booze is still as strong.

    f) They turn into horrible clones of each other, finishing sentences, dressing the same. Coupledom can make a person’s previous personality suddenly dissolve or Frankenstein into a monster.

    • GG Says:

      g) The ones who feel the necessity to cuddle and touch each other constantly.

      I have a few couples I like hanging out with and *surprise,* they are the ones that make me feel like we are three friends hanging out together — rather than two friends with a more “special” bond who are spending time with a third person.

      For the record, I was married for a long time and always made an effort to not be “coupley” around single friends (including my spouse and I each spending time with our friends separately) so I’ve seen both sides of the coin.

    • I plead guilty to “C”, and ONLY “C”. But singles act weird too, getting all diffident and aloof. OK! You wanna be that way? Fine. Wait. Let’s work this out. Not now. Before we.. E-mail!

    • Stu Says:

      You should get out more.

  4. no.thanks. Says:

    wait a mummyfucking second, THERE ARE COUPLES IN SAN FRANCISCO? I thought this was the city where it’s oh so hard for men and women and women and women and men and men to meet and date each other? What is the world coming to!?

  5. Couples are always fun since they’re usually up for a three-way at one point or another. Perverts.

  6. olu Says:

    I really like what you’ve done with the site today, it’s like an inverse of stuff white people like. its amusing.

  7. Amy Says:

    The last relationship I was in, all my friends got seriously weirded out that they rarely saw me and my boyfriend together. We only hung out like twice a week, max, and we spent the rest of the week doing our own thing and hanging out with our own friends. I liked his friends and he liked mine, but let’s face it: we each like our own friends better, and we don’t have so much free time. But yeah, everyone thought that was weird.

  8. Ferocious Foot Odor Says:

    Couples aren’t safe company until they have been together for at least five years.

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